Understanding the 8 Types of Love May Improve Romantic Relationships
Satisfying partnerships include three elements according to Sternberg’s Triangular Theory.
When it comes to romantic relationships, there are many different types, and they all have unique features. Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love discusses how three components — intimacy, passion, decision/commitment — contribute towards more satisfying partnerships over time.
What is Sternberg’s triangular theory of love?
Psychologist Robert Sternberg developed his Triangular Theory of Love in the 1980s. According to Sternberg, three elements make up romantic relationships: intimacy, passion, and decision/commitment.
Intimacy. Intimacy refers to feelings of closeness, connectedness, and bondedness in loving relationships. It thus includes within its purview those feelings that give rise, essentially, to the experience of warmth in a loving relationship.
Passion. Passion refers to the drives that lead to romance, physical attraction, sexual consummation, and related phenomena in loving relationships. The passion component includes within its purview those sources of motivational and other forms of arousal that lead to the experience of passion in a loving relationship.
Decision/commitment. Decision/commitment refers, in the short-term, to the decision that one loves a certain other, and in the long-term, to one’s commitment to maintain that love. These two aspects of the decision/commitment component do not necessarily go together, in that one can decide to love someone without being committed to the love in the long-term, or one can be committed to a relationship without acknowledging that one loves the other person in the relationship. — Robert J. Sternberg
The three elements mentioned above can be combined to form eight different types of love relationships.
Sternberg himself admits that this theory is not exhaustive and that there are other possible combinations, but these eight types provide a good overview of the most common relationships.
This theory divides romantic relationships into eight categories: non-love, liking, infatuation, empty, romantic, companionate, fatuous, and consummate.
Why is it important to understand Sternberg’s triangle?
Sternberg’s triangle can help you understand why your relationship isn’t working. According to the theory, it’s more likely to fail when the three components are absent from a relationship. Sternberg calls this type of relationship non-love. What if one element of love is present but not the other two? Sternberg calls this type of relationship an empty love relationship, and according to the theory, these relationships also have a low success rate.
The bottom line is if you are in a relationship and it is not meeting your needs, Sternberg’s triangular theory may help you identify what is missing.
Here are the eight types of relationships based on Sternberg’s theory:
Non-love
Believe it or not, many couples do not love one another at all. As I mentioned earlier, this would be considered a non-love relationship. These relationships are based on convenience, pity, or mutual respect, but there is no real emotional connection between the two people. And while it may be hard to imagine, this type of relationship can be healthy if both parties are okay with not having any emotional connection. However, if one or both people desire an emotional bond, non-love can also be frustrating and unsatisfying.
Liking
Have you ever dated someone you enjoyed spending time with because of a solid emotional connection, but you didn’t love that person? These relationships can be very stable and satisfying, but they are usually not very intense. This relationship model can work well, but it can stress both parties if one person starts to develop deeper feelings for the other. This kind of love relationship is what Sternberg calls “liking love.”
Infatuation
Infatuation relationships can be sexy and exciting, but sometimes they are unstable and brief. Relationships based on infatuations can be short-lived primarily because neither party is emotionally invested. These relationships begin with physical attraction. And sometimes, the people involved discover that they don’t actually like one another very much at all.
Empty Love
There was a time when marriage had nothing to do with love. Back in the day, people married for practicality and convenience. In modern times, this relationship type is what Sternberg called empty love. In empty love, the couple does not have any feelings for each other whatsoever, and sometimes they do not get along very well. These days, this type of relationship is rare. And because we now live in a time where relational fulfillment is increasingly important, empty love relationships are generally not healthy or satisfying.
Romantic Love
Romantic love can be intense. Romantic relationships tend to be ripe with passion and excitement. People in romantic love connections tend to be devoted to one another. But while this type of relationship may spark a physical and emotional fire, it can also be very challenging. Trying to maintain the frenetic energy that is present at the start of a relationship isn’t easy. Often, romantic love can begin to fizzle when the monotony of relationship maintenance comes into play.
Companionate Love
I know several long-term and married couples who are in companionate love relationships. This style of relationship is built on trust and mutual respect. Companionate love is not as exciting as romantic love, but sometimes this type of love is more stable and lasts longer. The two people in a companionate relationship are usually very comfortable together and share many common interests, which allows for a meaningful and fulfilling connection.
Fatuous Love
Fatuous love tends to be shallow and childlike. There is often a lack of intimacy with fatuous love because the connection is based on fantasy instead of reality. Two people meet and fall madly in love before they have a chance to get to know one another. This kind of love can be likened to the love-at-first-sight-whirlwind courtships that you see in romantic comedies. You know the story well.
Consummate Love
Consummate love is the ideal type of love and includes all three elements of Sternberg’s Triangular Theory. Of course, consummate love is the exception, not the rule. And it is only possible when the couple has a strong emotional connection, passionate feelings, and mutual respect. Consummate love is the most intense and fulfilling kind of love, and it is usually the most successful type of relationship.
There is no surefire way to guarantee relationship success. But Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love can be a helpful tool for understanding the different types of relationships.
By knowing which type of love relationship you are in, you can better understand what is working and what needs improvement. Whether you’re just starting in a new relationship or you’ve been together for years, understanding Sternberg’s theory can help you navigate your way to a more fulfilling and lasting connection with your partner.
Sources:
https://cognitiontoday.com/psychology-of-relationships-love-attraction-romance/
http://www.robertjsternberg.com/love